I watch way too much HSN and QVC, which explains why my brains probably look like a mound of mashed cauliflower with dead flies stuck in it, so when I read the movie news of the year last night, I pulled all my Huggable Hangers out of my closet, threw them on the floor and rolled around on them while screaming “YAAAAASSSS!” Hollywood is finally doing what’s right by making a biopic about HSN superstar and the second most important inventor of all time (after the inventor of anal beads, of course) Joy Mangano! Today the Joy Mangano biopic, tomorrow the Vince ShamWow biopic starring Johnny Knoxville.
Because Jennifer Lawrence made a pact with the devil to star in every movie that David O. Russell does, she’s thinking about starring in the Joy Mangano biopic and he’s in talks to direct it and rewrite the script which was written by Annie Mumolo who co-wrote Bridesmaids. Deadline says that the Joy Mangano biopic (yes, we’re living in a world where the Huggable Hangers movie is happening) will follow her from single working mother trying to pay the bills to household product mogul. Joy was working three jobs to support her three kids when she invented the Miracle Mop, which she sold locally in Long Island before taking it to QVC. Joy also invented Huggable Hangers, HSN’s biggest-selling product of all-time. This movie is going to be Jennifer Lawrence’s Erin Brockovich, so it brings her even closer to becoming the new Julia Roberts.
As much as I think that what the world really needs right now is a Joy Mangano biopic, this sounds like a boring disaster. Once again, David O. Russell is getting his main boo to play a role that is way too old for her ass. If he directed the Golden Girls movie, he’d cast Jennifer Lawrence as Sophia. The Joy Mangano biopic deserves better. It should be produced by Lifetime and star Susan Lucci, because together they would create a dramatic masterpiece worthy of the American treasure who invented Huggable Hangers.
But I’d be all for David O. Russell’s version if he cast Maya Rudolph as my favorite HSN host Shannon Smith.
Yes, I know the HSN hosts by name and I have a favorites. In case you didn’t already know, I am a 300-pound cat lady spinster trapped in the body a skinny fat gay.