ScarJo Says Goodbye To Oxfam Over Her Deal With SodaStream

ScarJo, a human paper cup full of flat soda water that’s been sitting out on the counter for 4 days, is getting a giant check to be SodaStream’s global whore and so far the entire thing has turned out to be a giant PR nightmare. When SodaStream announced that it hired ScarJo to sell their shit by blowing a straw like it’s a pencil dick, Oxfam slapped her down for spooning with a company that owns a huge factory in an Israeli settlement in the West Bank. Up until today, ScarJo was a Global Ambassador for Oxfam, but she resigned, because she and Oxfam have a difference of opinion. The difference of opinion being that Oxfam doesn’t want to be associated with a trick who’s the brand ambassador for a company that operates on the West Bank and she loves that sugar water money too much. Oxfam released this parting statement today:

Oxfam has accepted Scarlett Johansson’s decision to step down after eight years as a Global Ambassador and we are grateful for her many contributions.

While Oxfam respects the independence of our ambassadors, Ms. Johansson’s role promoting the company SodaStream is incompatible with her role as an Oxfam Global Ambassador.

Oxfam believes that businesses, such as SodaStream, that operate in settlements further the ongoing poverty and denial of rights of the Palestinian communities that we work to support.

Oxfam is opposed to all trade from Israeli settlements, which are illegal under international law. Ms. Johansson has worked with Oxfam since 2005 and in 2007 became a Global Ambassador, helping to highlight the impact of natural disasters and raise funds to save lives and fight poverty.

Before ScarJo broke up with Oxfam, she defended SodaStream by saying that their factory on the West Bank employs both Israelis and Palestinians. So basically SodaStream’s soda water is a sparkling, bubbly tonic that is bringing peace to the Middle East!

While I never intended on being the face of any social or political movement, distinction, separation or stance as part of my affiliation with SodaStream, given the amount of noise surrounding that decision, I’d like to clear the air.

I remain a supporter of economic cooperation and social interaction between a democratic Israel and Palestine. SodaStream is a company that is not only committed to the environment but to building a bridge to peace between Israel and Palestine, supporting neighbors working alongside each other, receiving equal pay, equal benefits and equal rights.

That is what is happening in their Ma’ale Adumim factory every working day. As part of my efforts as an Ambassador for Oxfam, I have witnessed first-hand that progress is made when communities join together and work alongside one another and feel proud of the outcome of that work in the quality of their product and work environment, in the pay they bring home to their families and in the benefits they equally receive.

I believe in conscious consumerism and transparency and I trust that the consumer will make their own educated choice that is right for them. I stand behind the SodaStream product and am proud of the work that I have accomplished at Oxfam as an Ambassador for over 8 years. Even though it is a side effect of representing SodaStream, I am happy that light is being shed on this issue in hopes that a greater number of voices will contribute to the conversation of a peaceful two state solution in the near future.

I’m sure it was a difficult decision for ScarJo and she carefully considered both options. ScarJo looked at the check she gets from OxFam and it took her a minute to realize there was no check from Oxfam since they’re not paying her. Then she looked at the check she gets from SodaStream and on it was a number larger than zero followed by a bunch of zeroes. Decision made! Some people are throwing shit at ScarJo for not getting her people to research SodaStream beforehand, but I say whatever. I’m sure ScarJo asked the truly important questions before signing on. She asked, “How much are you going to pay me? How far do you want me to deep throat that straw? How high do you want me to push up my tits?” Strangely enough, those are the exact same questions that John Travolta asks every potential employer.