Tori Spelling Thinks The Deaner Would Clean Her Out If They Got A Divorce

January 30, 2014 / Posted by:

Shortly after Dean McDermott checked into the all-you-can-bang buffet known as rehab, Mimi LaRue‘s lethargic pug ass marched off the Rainbow Bridge to the nearest cyber cafe (they still have those in Heaven) to email YouTube links of Tammy Wynette’s D-I-V-O-R-C-E and old Divorce Court episodes to Tori Spelling, all with the subject line: ‘LAWYER UP, HO’. I’m with you, Mimi; the only thing that makes sense would be for Tori to divorce that marble-eyed sleazeball and move along with her litter of pups. Unfortunately, Tori’s not on board with us; according to Radar, a friend of Tori’s claims she wants to get a divorce, but she’s worried that The Deaner would pull a classic Deaner move and take her ass to the cleaners, only leaving her with whatever wasn’t nailed down:

“She would definitely kick Dean to the curb if she could financially afford to do so. Tori has admitted she would file for divorce from Dean, but she is afraid she would go broke.The couple has no prenuptial agreement, and Tori is the sole breadwinner. Dean wouldn’t settle for anything less than joint custody, and Tori would be forced to pay him spousal and child support.

“With the recent allegations that Dean cheated on Tori, she’s now kicking herself for not securing the prenup with Dean. She doesn’t plan on divorcing Dean, but feels that a prenup might could have prevented him from cheating on her.”

HAHAHAHAHA! As if a prenup would have prevented The Deaner from busting a squint on every ass this side of the sun (yes there is a Hooters on Mars, and yes he has fucked every 3-eyed alien slut in a pair of orange coochie-cutters). Tori, you bought him that way! It’s like spending $1 on a broken microwave at a yard sale that you’ve been warned will catch on fire every time you try to warm up soup, and then being surprised when you go to warm up soup and it bursts into flames. So you put it in the trash, Tori; you don’t keep it around hoping it will someday just magically stop catching on fire. Or fucking everything that moves. Wait, what are we talking about again? Is Tori married to an appliance? She should be; even a blender pulls its weight around the house.

And she shouldn’t worry about money; she can always write some divorce-themed craft books. I believe there’s still enough words left in the English language that work with the suffix of TORI.

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