Vicki Larson’s Got Your Number, Hussy

Rihanna in a suit? Excuse me? I don’t think so. This demure peony blossom is a phoney; the Rihanna I know is a straight-up, loud-and-proud ho and would show up to her appearance on Good Morning America in nothing less (or more) than a denim g-string and sequinned pot-leaf nipple pasties. Or maybe this is RiRi, but the constant dank cloud surrounding her perception and comprehension skills fucked up what she read in her agenda and she interpreted ‘GMA with Bob Saget‘ as ‘Audition for Danny Tanner’s new co-host on Wake Up San Francisco‘. Either way, I know how this story ends (with Kimmy Gibler falling face-first into a pile of Comet’s shit while that sadistic Tanner family laughs).

But to answer your question “For what random reason are these two even in the same room, let alone touching hands?”, Rihanna appeared on Good Morning America today to pimp out and raise money for MAC Viva Glam, and John Stamos, Bob Saget, and Dave Coulieoruslu-too-many-vowels were there to whore out that damn Dannon Oikos Super Bowl ad. That yogurt commercial is the TV equivalent of the Anchorman 2 campaign; it’s everywhere, and then after opening weekend, it will disappear like a fart in the wind. Which is really too bad, because we really don’t get to see enough of the National Treasure that is John Stamos.

Here’s more of RiRi looking all serious business woman-y (we can’t see her phone, but it probably has a countdown timer that says ‘Minutes ’till grindin and smoking’) along with John Stamos and The Yogurt Boys:

(Pics: Splash)