The hat: “No, I won’t go without you! Stop pushing me off!”
The hair: “Save yourself! It’s your only chance to escape this douchebag!”
It looks like America’s love affair with Justin Bieber might be over (sarcasm deluxe with a side of shade). According to The Guardian (via HuffPo), thousands of Americans have signed a petition uploaded to the White House website by Detroit resident J.A. demanding the Obama administration deport the little ass-cramp back to Canada and throw his green card into the oval office document shredder. Currently, the petition has over 100,000 signatures, which means that there are 100,000 Americans I need to track down and kiss on the mouth, but also that the petition has met the minimum requirement needed for an official White House response. The petition is as follows:
“We the people of the United States feel that we are being wrongly represented in the world of pop culture. We would like to see the dangerous, reckless, destructive, and drug abusing, Justin Bieber deported and his green card revoked. He is not only threatening the safety of our people but he is also a terrible influence on our nations youth. We the people would like to remove Justin Bieber from our society.”
That seems long. I’m sure he could have just submitted the following:
“We the people of the United States can all agree that Justin Bieber is a major dickhead, THE-fucking-END. Please evict his ass the legal way before we take matters into our own hands and pull some War of 1812 shit by firing him out of a cannon back over the border.”
I know that Americans think they can deport him back to Canada, but – BREAKING STORY – Canadians hate him even more and they don’t want him either. We sold his ass to Usher for a pack of American Spirits and a case of Diet Cherry Coke a long time ago, and we consider him your problem now. I think a solution both Canada and America can agree on would be to purchase him a one-way ticket to that island from Pinoccio where all the bad boys hang out and do hood rat stuff till they turn into donkeys (too late, he’s already a huge ass).