Paging Justin Bieber’s Au Pair! He Dropped A Doody In His Trash Pants And He’s Kind Of Upset About It
After Justin Bieber celebrated baby’s first mug shot with his enabling douche leech of a daddy in Miami, he and his entourage of assholian hanger-oners, including his drag racing co-pilot Chantel Jeffries, took their asses over to Panama where he’s currently assaulting the beaches by doing shit like this. When the Biebs isn’t showing the seagulls how real thugs thug by speeding his pimped out Big Wheels along the beach, he’s shooting homemade music videos. While wearing culottes by Hefty, the toddler piece of trash in a trash bag shot this emotional scene where he reaches down to his crotch and reacts to not feeling anything. The hand says “error 404” and the face says “Console me, Uncie Usher!” It’s his greatest performance yet.
In other Wild Kidz news, TMZ says that douche levels in Calabasas will soon drop by at least 50%, because the Biebs is going to sell his Palace of Sizzurpy Dreams and terrorize another zip code. The house hasn’t been listed yet, but the Beliebers have already offered everything in their piggy banks for it. I hope the Biebs sells to them, because if he does they’ll lick every wall and floor tile, and that could take a while. It will keep them busy.
The L.A. Times also reports that February 14th has been set as the date for the Biebs’ arraignment hearing in Miami. Happy VD! It’s going to be a strange Valentine’s Day for 5th grade teachers. Every 5th grade classroom will be filled with sad Valentine’s Day decorations and confused teachers will shuffle around their empty room, not knowing what to do with themselves, because all of their students will be at home praying to their Bieber altar while watching TMZ’s live stream from the court room. But please, nothing’s going to happen at that hearing. The Biebs doesn’t even have to be there. All charges will be dropped and we’ll have a reason to get extra boozed up that night. You better buy two extra bottles of Andre now.