The head whores from the now-shuttered literary journal of integrity The News of the World are currently on trial for hacking into cell phone voicemail boxes to get stories, and one of the reporters, who pleaded guilty and is now a witness for the prosecution, testified about the time they got into Daniel Craig’s voicemail. According to the NYDN, the former reporter Dan Evans testified that in 2005 he got into Daniel Craig’s box (not like that, Dan wishes) and listened to a voicemail from a chick who said, “Hi, it’s me. Cannot speak. I’m at the Groucho (Club) with Jude. I love you.” It was from my home wrecking hero Sienna Miller!
Before The News of the World published the story of Sienna passing her poon to Daniel Craig while she was still with Jude Law and he was with Satsuki Mitchell, Dan was told to cover his tracks. Dan’s bosses told him to make a copy of the tape and drop it in a plain bag before taking it to the reception desk so it’d look like an untraceable anonymous tip. (Side note: Untraceable anonymous tip is a really professional name for a glory hole dick.) The London Standard says that when Jude Law took the stand yesterday, he was asked about fighting with Daniel Craig after he found out that Daniel dipped his dick in Sienna’s layer cake. Jude found out about it when he was at his sister’s wedding and immediately called Daniel up to bitch that fellow man slut out:
He said he immediately rang Craig, who was in Baltimore, to question him about it. “No doubt you expressed your views?” asked defence counsel Timothy Langdale QC. “I did, yes,” Law replied. “Did you make any reference to his then-girlfriend Satsuki Mitchell?” asked the QC, who is representing former NoW editor Andy Coulson.
Law said: “I don’t remember if that was her name, but more than likely yes. We had known each other for many, many years, so the conversation took all sorts of turns.”
Mr Langdale asked: “Were you indicating to him that he ought to tell her about this?” Law replied: “Yes, I think that’s correct, I did.”
My question is, did Sienna hump on Daniel before or after Jude got with the nanny?
Layer Cake came out in 2004 and Jude Law got caught with his dick in the nanny’s cookie jar in 2005, but the Daily Mail says that Sienna boned Daniel Craig to get back at Jude for cheating on her. So we’re really supposed to believe that Sienna and Daniel made it through Layer Cake without bumping wet parts in their trailer and they didn’t bone each other until a year later? That doesn’t make any sense. Whatever, what we do know is that Sienna was jumping from Craig dick to Jude dick and Daniel Craig was jumping from Satsuki coochie to Sienna coochie and Jude Law was jumping on all the coochies. It was a big slut stew. Meanwhile, Satsuki was at home watching the dinner she made for Daniel get colder and colder. 🙁
And praise be to Sienna’s vagine! Just when I start to think that it’s done all and seen all, it exceeds my expectations. I just want to lie on a velvet chase with it and hold my bated breath as it slowly tells me the secret to life and shows me its ways.