Kirk Cameron Calls The Grammy Mass Wedding An “All Out Assault On Traditional Family,” Wants You To Buy His Shitty Movie

I wasn’t completely sure how to feel about the Grammys. Did I love it? Did I hate it? Was I “meh” about the whole circle jerkiness of it all? But now that Kirk Cameron has spoken, I know how to feel. I loved all 10 hours of it! Because if it makes Kirk Cameron seethe and clench his evangelical b-hole while covering his children’s innocent Christian eyes, then it only can be right!

I know this is a shocking turn of events, but the loneliest loner at his conference room birthday party wasn’t waving a rainbow flag while singing along to “Same Love/Open Your Heart” as Macklemore, Ryan Lewis, Mary Lambert and Boss Hogg on internet-bought estrogen performed in front of 33 gay, lesbian and straight couples who just got married. Kirk considered the mass wedding as a direct assault on “traditional families.” You know, kind of like how some of us consider Kirk Cameron’s entire existence as a direct assault on humanity. Kirk scooted his ass over to Facebook to scream about how the Grammy fired a shot directly into the crotch of the “traditional family” and he’s ready to fight…. and then he also used the time to whore out his latest assault on TV screens: his piece of shit family-friendly movie.

You  know Kirk’s b-hole got the drips when he typed “thick and dark.”

I believe Kirk when he says that Fireproof saved marriages and brought couples closer together. Because when they watched it together, they bonded over their mutual hate of that shitty puddle of trash. I’m sure Mercy Rule will do the same thing for families! Kirk is wrong about the Grammys assaulting the “traditional family,” though. I know many “traditional families” and some of them fucked themselves up on their own long before Macklemore’s Grammy performance.

Kirk can go and eat a foot-long Subway sub full of anuses, but I will agree with him about one thing. Lines were drawn thick and dark at the Grammys:

And it was stunning.