Would You Hit It?

January 27, 2014 / Posted by:

Because I went away for the weekend and all that Grammy shit, I completely missed these pictures of Michael “I’m Putting A B In My Name So You Know I’m Not THEE Michael Jordan” Jordan in Miami with a lady friend two days ago. I disappointed myself. I disappointed my family. I disappointed my country. I disappointed my God Bea Arthur and I disappointed you for not posting the man nipples provided to me. But like I always say when the clip I’m trying to watch on PornHub freezes, buffers and finally starts again, “Better late than never, now let me get these pants off.”

Before you answer my headline question, Michael B. Jordan told Glamour a little while ago that he wants a chick who can cook, because he’s old-fashioned like that and when they asked him if he’d respect a piece if she put out on the first date, he spilled out this puddle of stupid:

“No. No. Maybe…but a little less.”

So Michael, a human who can make decisions for himself, will gladly fuck a trick on the first date, but he won’t respect her afterward, yet he’d still respect himself? That’s just two tons of sense right on top of my brain. Can’t he just shut his mouth and look pretty?! Your words are ruining your pretty!

With all that being said, yes, I’d hit it. Yes, I’d let him pull into my Fruitvale Station, but I wouldn’t hit it twice, because I so wouldn’t respect him afterward. Obviously.

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