The Story Of The Sock One, Chapter 8: Being Grossed Out By Kim’s Boobs

January 27, 2014 / Posted by:

It was my understanding that Pimp Mama Kris was so proud of Kim Kardashian’s sex tape that she practically projected it onto every wall in the Jenner home, but according to Us Weekly, last night’s episode of Keeping Up With Satan’s Extended Family proved that some members of the Kardashian Koven are still unfamiliar with seeing Kim’s tits covered in white liquid. No, I’m not talking about jizz (they’re saving that for when the ratings get really low); Kim’s kash kow udders did what udders do when after you drop spawn from your loins and began leaking milk through her shirt, and that shit got too real for Rob:

“Your boob is like, leaking out of control,” Khloe told the breastfeeding champion. “It’s like, a water fountain.” The unfazed star calmly responded by readjusting her famous assets before the cameras — stuffing her bra with tissues to remedy the leakage.

Her shocked brother, however, was still in utter disbelief over the natural side effects of breastfeeding: “What the f—?” he said to his big sis. “That weirds me out for real,” the 26-year-old sock designer continued as he walked out of the room.

How the fuck is a grown man like Rob ‘weirded out’ by lactating titties? Is Rob that much of a dummy that he doesn’t know what happens when a baby is born? Wait a second, I think I can explain. When Kris made her fame-pact with Satan all those years ago, she must have traded in some of her human mother qualities for those of a serpent-devil creature. For example: instead of drinking milk, Baby Kim, Baby Kourtney, Khloe (she’s been an adult-sized she-hulk since birth), and Baby Rob feasted on the blood of a sacrificial goat. Rob doesn’t know that human babies are supposed to drink milk because he’s only seen his mom breastfeed Satan’s litter with fire-poison. See, this is why it’s so important to teach sex-ed in school; you don’t know which students are getting misinformation at home.

(Pic via Splash)

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