I Hope They Change Their State Flower To A Lint Roller

January 25, 2014 / Posted by:

Never has a picture so accurately summed up why I’m a dog person. Look, before you go writing me an angry email about the 2,000 reasons why I’m wrong (“What about Garfield? WHAT ABOUT HEATHCLIFF?!?”) I want to stress that I don’t hate cats, I just hate what cats do. Yes, cats are cuddly and soft and warm, but they also: shit on the couch, barf on your baby, leave dead animals in your shoes. Case in point: I had a friend who’s cat pissed on her face when she was sleeping. Pissed. On. Her. Face. Cats ARE your drunk, crazy college roommate.

But this isn’t about my irrational fear that every cat I meet will take a dump in my shoes; it’s about where the most shoe-dumps could statistically happen. According to the Portland Press Herald, that state is Maine:

Maine was named the best state for cat lovers Wednesday by an online real estate resource, Estately. The percentage of cat owners, cat-related Facebook activity, animal protection laws and the number of no-kill shelters all factored into the rankings. More than 46 percent of Maine households have cats, and cat owners outnumber dog owners by 11 percent. Although Vermont, named the second-best cat state, ranked higher in both categories, the fact that Maine has an official state cat helped boost its rankings.

Wait, so let me get this straight: Vermont really won, but Maine was given the title just because it has a state cat? That seems pretty arbitrary. By that theory, you could have given it to Missouri because it sounds cute when you pronounce it ‘Meow-souri’. Or to Michigan, because the state is shaped like a little paw. I bet the cat-owners of Vermont are PISSED; they worked hard to collect the most cats, and they deserve that invisible prize, goddamn it!

And I’m really surprised they were able to track any kind of ‘cat-related Facebook activity’ at all; you’d think that searching for “cats” on Facebook would automatically redirect you to Joe Exotic’s beautiful pussy pictures with the message “this is the only cat page you need”.

(Pic via Tumblr)

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