Hot Slut Of The Day (?)

WHAM-O Water Wiggle, the creepy, garden hose toy from the 70s!

Oh, the 70s, the time when bitches really did not give one fuck. I used to think the 80s was the time when everybody had no fucks to give, but the 70s has the 80s beat by ten million miles. Case in point: the WHAM-O Water Wiggle! The Water Wiggle was a smiley little plastic toy that you’d attach to your garden hose and it would spray around your yard. The Water Wiggle looks like a dumb fuck who is always saying “deeeerp” in his head, but he’s actually a methodical demon of death. Not only does he waste gallons upon gallons of water (Side note: Dear thirsty orphans of the world, here in the US, we waste water for fun!), but it was a serpent sent from hell (kind of like Charlie Sheen’s dick). Just look at the commercial. It’s like a nightmare come to life. It’s like something from the mind of Stephen King.

The Water Wiggle was eventually recalled in 1978 after a child died while playing with it.  I don’t even know why I’m making this evil thing HSOTD. I showed the friend who told me that I should make the Water Wiggle HSOTD the recall story and he goes, “That sounds like a freak accident. Nothing bad ever happened to us while playing with it. We loved it!” The Water Wiggle obviously got to him. It hypnotized him with those shifty eyes. It cannot be trusted. Kill all Water Wiggles immediately!