Hot Slut Of The Day!
I don’t know which reaction to this Anderson Cooper ventriloquist doll is the right reaction:
1. Jumping back, shutting your laptop closed and taking it to the nearest Catholic church where you’ll dip it in holy water before asking a priest to exorcise the fuckery out of it (which is probably what your reaction was).
2. Licking the screen until you’re electrocuted and then writing the seller to ask, “What’s the measurement from the bottom lip to the top lip when he has his mouth wide open?”
The second one is obviously the most natural reaction.
Because 55.98% of all the posts I’ve written are about my undying devotion to The Silver Fox and at this point it’s a miracle I haven’t been forcibly committed (“You mean to tell me you’re not writing this from an office you broke into at Patton State Hospital after sedating your guards with the meds you’ve been pretending to take every night?” – you), reader Melissa sent this to me this morning. It’s an eBay auction for a STUNNING, one-of-a-kind, custom-made “Mini Cooper” ventriloquist doll. Here’s the description, and yes, I paused at “easy access to his interior,” because that’s pretty much a line straight out of my old Grindr profile.
23″ tall “Mini Cooper” dressed in his street wear, with vented blue hooded sweatshirt, for easy access to his interior, correct New Balance sneakers, jeans and grey Yale T-shirt. Head stick is heavy oak with trigger control for open and close mouth. Eyes are a light, piercing blue.
The Silver Fox himself laughed about this beautiful piece of work on Mah Boo 369Me last night:
And this one-of-a-kind, not-at-all creepy doll is only $360,000! So once I empty out my checking account and sell Dlisted, my dog, most of my internal organs and all of my worldly possessions (read: an autographed pair of exquisite Lucite heels from Shauna Sand, my laptop and the Kano Sisters dolls my ex-boyfriend brought back from Japan for me), I’ll just be $359,000 away from owning an Anderson Cooper doll that will never leave me and giggle at all of my stupid jokes (because it’ll have no choice since I’ll be the one controlling its mouth and all)! And now I have to go, because the guards are starting to wake up.
Pics: eBay