They’re cheering on the outside, but on the inside they’re saying, “Fuck these Olympics right in Ralph Lauren’s ass.”
Before designing the Winter Olympics uniforms for Team USA, Ralph Lauren told his design team (who were obviously made up of all of our grandmas, memaws and abuelitas) to picture what would come out of a bald eagle’s beak if it got a never-ending case of the barfs after gorging on UglySweaterStore.com and Sarah Palin’s wardrobe. Then he told them to translate that puddle of bald eagle barf into a sweater. And that’s how the Team USA uniforms were born.
An entire nation screamed, “My ‘Murican memaw got me that shit for Christmas!” when the uniforms that Team USA will wear during the Opening Ceremony made its debut on Today this morning. Behold, this mess. It looks like the result of an Old Navy, NASCAR and Tommy Hilfiger outlet bukkake party. And if you thought there was no way these uniforms could look more hilariously ridiculous, here’s Matt Lauer, Natalie Morales and that ghost from TRL’s past to prove you wrong.
Natalie Morales is smiling something extra, because she finally found an outfit she can wear when she doesn’t want Matt Lauer to touch her ass with his eyes. That sucio perv Matt Lauer is smiling, because he knows what Natalie is thinking and knows that she’s wrong.
And in case I haven’t made myself clear: I LOVE THESE BUSTED UNIFORMS!
(Pics via @TODAYShow)