At least Justin Bieber’s got the perfect pageant wave down for when he’s crowned Miss Cell Block B 2014.
After serving up a mug shot that says, “picture day at Meth Elementary,” Tegan and Sara’s long-lost identical triplet sister who they will never acknowledge (would you?) appeared before a judge in Miami today with his lawyer, Roy Black, Lea Black’s husband. The Biebs’ bail was set at $2,500 and after he paid it, he climbed up to new levels of douche when he copied one of Michael Jackson’s moves by getting on top of an SUV to wave at his loyal subjects. We should never forgive the driver of that SUV for not releasing the break and hitting the gas pedal when they had the chance.
Miami PD released the full police report and as expected, Justin behaved like the cooperative and mature adult we all know him as. Here’s a few pieces from it:
I ASKED THE DRIVER TO PLACE THE VEHICLE IN PARK. AT THIS TIME, THE DRIVER. BEGAN TO STATE:”WHY DID YOU STOP ME”.
I IMMEDIATELY SMELLED AN ODOR OF ALCOHOL EMINATING FROM THE DRIVERS BREATH AND BLOODSHOT EYES. THE DRIVER HAD SLOW DELIBERATE MOVEMENTS AND A STUPER LOOK ON HIS FACE. THESE ARE ALL INDICATORS OF AN IMPAIRED DRIVER. I ASKED THE DRIVER TO EXIT THE VEHICLE TO CONTINUE MY INVESTIGATION OF A POSSIBLE IMPAIRED DRIVER. THE DRIVER STATED:” WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS”?
THE DRIVER STATED:”I AINT GOT NO FUCKING WEAPONS, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SEARCH ME,WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ABOUT?”
TMZ says that the Biebs admitted to the cops that he downed the sweet nectar, smoked weed and swallowed pills. The Biebs wasn’t totally sure what kind of meds he took. He thinks he took Xanax, but he won’t bet his leather culottes on that, because he just takes whatever his mom gives him.
So that’s why Pattie Mallette asked us all to pray for her son. She wanted us to close our eyes while she pushed pills into his mouth. Drug Mom Mallette probably told her kid that Xanax was the Body of Christ and when he asked her what the word Xanax meant, she told him it was Jesus’ true biblical name. Drugging a baby…. White Oprah should be ashamed of herself for letting Bieber’s shitty mom show her up like that.