Justin Bieber And His Daddy Celebrate His First Arrest By Poppin’ Bottles

January 23, 2014 / Posted by:

If I was 19 again and got arrested for drunken drag racing (and not the RuPaul kind) through the streets of anywhere, my abuelita would pick me up from jail and the only alcohol she’d let me be around would be the kind of alcohol the ER nurse would use to treat the cuts I got from getting slapped with a chancleta. But since Justin Bieber’s got a cool dad, he went straight from the jailhouse to the booze house!

CBS Miami’s helicopter circled over South Beach until they spotted a cloud of weed smoke, douche fumes and dumbassery wafting out of a backyard or garden. They followed it and caught the Biebs and his cool dad around bottles. It kind of looks like the Biebs is sitting on his daddy’s lap, and I’m sure at one point he did so his daddy could bottle feed him Ciroc while telling him that he’s still the best little boy in the world.

So, Justin obviously learned a lot from that arrest and his dad is obviously going to let a thug be a thug, because he knows that if he says anything his allowance will be cut off and he’d have to pay the mortgage on his condo by selling his bodily fluids to Beliebers who want anything with the Biebs’ DNA in it. If CBS Miami’s helicopter camera panned out, they’d probably catch White Oprah and Lindsay Lohan running toward the place where the Biebs is staying, because a fucked up child star and his enabling, life-sucking, delusion shitty father are their soulmates!

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