Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 23, 2014 / Posted by:

Joe Exotic, country music singer, King of the Tigers, actor, model producer, magician, philanthropist, member of the Panty Creaming Hall of Fame, gay polygamist and my most favorite tattooed jewel in the history of civilization!

Dlisted reader Mendy smeared my eyeballs with this greasy dollop of pure beauty yesterday and at the end of her email she wrote, “You’re welcome.” Usually when somebody says, “you’re welcome,” in an email, rage rushes to my hands, I throw my laptop against the wall and then I stomp on it while screaming, “I never said thank you, bitch!” But Mendy’s “you’re welcome” was one hundred percent justified. Because as soon as I stepped into the tiger cave of wonder that is Joe Exotic’s Facebook page, I thanked Mendy out loud for introducing me to this stunning creature, I thanked cameras for existing, I thanked Facebook for being the museum that’s displaying such beautimous portraits and I thanked the universe for gifting the world with a gorgeous corn husk of a man. If you shook the seeds out of Billy Ray Cyrus’ magnificent mullet and planted them in a pot full of tiger manure before feeding them a steady diet of Bret Michaels’ cum and the golden rays that shoot off of Siegfried and Roy’s faces, out would sprout Joe Exotic.

I spent a huge chunk of my night last night getting completely lost in Joe Exotic’s Facebook page, site and his YouTube channel. The pictures! The videos of him playing with animals! The comments from his admirers! The comments from his haters! His comments! Every time my eyes moved I saw something that was more beautiful than the last thing I saw. It was like dropping Ecstasy before walking into the gates of heaven. Beauty and magic all around me. And since you’re asking, “Who is this orgasm-inducing Tiger King with bullet hole tattoos?“, I’ll let Joe Exotic answer that for you:

Joe Exotic is one of the world’s leading experts in the care of Big Cats. Housing over 170 tigers and lions it makes the Gerold Wayne Interactive Zooloigal Park the world’s largest accredited refuge for big cats in the world. With Joe’s interactive internet tv show broadcasting live everyday worldwide, you will learn about wild animals, animal rights, your rights and also be able to chat with him live on the world’s first exotic animal tv network.

Joe is also a Master Illusionist & Magician available for hire. Joe will bring his Road Show of exotic animals and amazing magic to your private, corporate and public events. As a recognized force in the animal rescue, care and rights arena, Joe is also available for your speaking engagements, both on or off camera and for expert courtroom testimony. Enjoy learning more about Joe Exotic!

A few other things you need to know about Joe Exotic:

He just got married to his two boyfriends.

He has his own line of candy, Tiger King condoms and beyond exquisite man panties.

He is obviously the proud owner of the world’s largest collection of shiny club shirts from International Male (RIP).

Joe Exotic is also the yodeler of the song that will play at your wedding and yes, you’ll dress yourself up like a tiger bride.

And now I leave you to make the hardest decision of your life: choosing which Joe Exotic picture to tattoo on your ass cheek. I’m going with the one that Phil Robertson is going to get a tattoo of (read: the nipple-hardening picture of Joe Exotic and his new husbands).

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