“Hey Kid, It’s Me! Your Ol’ Uncle Ragey!”

January 23, 2014 / Posted by:

I’m no parent (unless you count the random squirrels I feed Frosted Flakes to from my bedroom window. Actually, you know what? I consider them children, let me start again). I may only be a parent to several raggedy-looking squirrels, so I don’t really know much about human babies, but isn’t it a thing that you’re supposed to wait at least a couple of months before you introduce your kid to the abusive shit-head you’re dating?

It was less than a month ago that we saw Charlize Theron and Sean Penn confirming their relationship through coffee, and already they’re taking a trip to Whole Foods with Charlize’s son Jackson? These bitches move FAST. Watch out, Boca Raton retirement communities; at the rate they’re going, Charlize and Sean will be coming for you in about 4 months. Since most oldies are deaf, this might actually be a perfect match. Sean could scream his face off at them about whatever pissed him off that day (losing at shuffleboard, someone turned the jets off in the hot tub while he was still in it) and they’d just sit there and go “That’s nice, man from I Am Sam. Would you like a glass of metamucil? You seem constipated.”

And regardless of what we think of how-soon-is-too-soon to introduce your kid to your fuck piece, can we all agree that it’s super irresponsible of Charlize to subject a kid that little to Sean’s face? He looks like a rotten jack-o-lantern that you discover when the snow melts in March. Note the last picture of Charlize and Sean; it looks The Great Pumpkin is giving her shit over soy milk. “Is that fucking unsweetened organic? I told you 20 times that I wanted vanilla. Jesus, I thought Rita was just a character from Arrested Development.”

(Pics via FlameFlynet)

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