For god-knows-what reason, it felt like everyone and their dog re-watched Home Alone 2 this Christmas, and they all had the same shit to say about Kate McCallister and her hang-ten hair: “Oh my god, how many times does this dumb bitch have to lose her kid before CPS steps in?” You’ve got to cut her some slack, people! The woman had like 10 kids; give her a goddamn break if she leaves one behind. Which sort of also explains my feelings for this picture of Donald Trump Jr. and his wife Vanessa; I know they have 4 kids, and only 3 are pictured. Where’s that 4th kid? Maybe they forgot him at home. Maybe he’s hanging out with his ageless Slovenian grandmother, Melania. Regardless, it looks like Don Jr. and Vanessa are now one kid closer to having so many that they casually lose one to the song “Run Run Rudolph” in an airport, because on Tuesday he took to Twitter to announce they’re pregnant again:
Can’t wait. I bet he typed that with a massive frown on his face. “Can’t wait to stealth jerk-it in the bathroom to a Victoria’s Secret catalogue every night because my wife’s pussy is off-limits for the next year. So excited.”
Five kids seems like a lot of work to normals like you and I, but they’re rich enough to have a million nannies and stroller-pushers and someone hired to empty the shit rags from the Diaper Genie, so I’m sure they’ll manage just fine. Plus, if they keep pumping out kids, they’ll have enough contestants for a new NBC show called The Apprentice: Competing for a Spot in Grandpa’s Will, and that is a show I would definitely watch. So keep fucking that chicken…I mean…your wife, Donald Jr. and make my dreams come true.