I didn’t know that all you had to do to get upgrades to your body was to slap your hands together, mumble something that sounds like ‘Now I lay me down to sleep’ and wish for it. I’d super appreciate having clear skin; could one of you do me a favor and bust out a prayer on my behalf? I’d do it myself, but I have a feeling God won’t be pleased with the supercut of my life and would send my ass to voicemail.
In an article that falls somewhere between hard-hitting journalistic integrity and interviewing Grumpy Cat, GQ (via Us Weekly) sat down with Katy Perry to talk about Darfur, climate change, NSA leaks, aaaaand I’m bullshitting you; they talked about her tits:
On how God let your sick hamster die in 3rd grade because he was too busy granting Katy’s wish for massive chichis:
“I lay on my back one night and looked down at my feet, and I prayed to God. I said, ‘God, will you please let me have boobs so big that I can’t see my feet when I’m lying down?'” she tells GQ of wanting big breasts early in life. At age 11, “God answered my prayers,” she said. “I had no clue they would fall into my armpits eventually.”
On how Katy’s learned to embrace her conventionally-beautiful face and body:
“I’ve never had any plastic surgery,” she reveals. “Not a nose, not a chin, not a cheek, not a tit. So my messages of self-empowerment are truly coming from an au natural product.”
On how she’s not quite ready to make John Mayer Husband No. 2:
“I think that I needed to grow up,” she says of moving on. “I’m just having a wonderful experience with a wonderful guy. There’s no rush.”
On how losing her virginity was like a scene from a shitty CW teen drama:
Perry isn’t shy about expressing her love — or opening up about her sex life. She admitted to GQ that she lost her virginity at the age of 16 while listening to Jeff Buckley’s album Grace in the front seat of a Volvo sedan. “Love that record so much,” she quips.
Wow, if you switched out Volvo sedan for partially-rusted Pontiac Sunfire, and Jeff Buckley’s Grace with Guns N’ Roses’s November Rain on a CD that keeps skipping, she could be talking about my first time! Meeeeeeemorieeeeesssss…
Here’s more of Katy showing off her God Presents in the February 2014 issue of GQ:
(Pics via GQ)