And Now A Video Of Toronto’s Crack-Smoking Mayor Rob Ford Pretending To Be Jamaican

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse than smoking crack or pushing over an old woman or talking about eating his wife’s pussy or literally whatever other outrageous thing you could imagine Chris Farley doing in a movie called ‘Fat Drunk Mayor’, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford crushed another shameful personal best during a drunken, not-right-rant a restaurant in Etobicoke, ON (Etobicoke? The jokes fucking write themselves). Last night, Rob Ford took his patented brand of dripping-in-sweat crazy to new levels when he was caught in a restaurant doing his best impression of Doug E. Doug from Cool Runnings. What I’m trying to say is…Rob Ford was speaking in a weird pseudo-Jamaican patois. Oh yeah, this is the kind of video you’re going to want to listen to with the volume turned WAY up.

The video might sound like Bob Marley gibberish to anyone who grew up outside of Toronto, so allow me to translate. Rob Ford keeps saying the words bumbaclot and bumba ras clot, which in Jamaican slang is reference to (I’m sorry, Mom) a bloody tampon or a rag to wipe one’s asshole. Stay classy, Rob Ford. He then asks “Who go to [St.]Jamestown, Jane and Finch, Malvern?” which is the Toronto equivalent of Mitt Romney bragging about the time he drove through South Central. All that’s left is for Rob Ford to start showing up to city council meetings in a drug-rug and responding to questions by sucking his teeth at reporters before he becomes a full-blown, real life Ras Trent.

And to all the women going to this year’s Caribana parade: when Rob Ford asks you if you want to ‘taste his oxtail’, YOU SAY NO (the weight of his gut will snap your neck).