Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 20, 2014 / Posted by:

Mary Matalin, political consultant for the Republican party who brought the WTF to Real Time with Bill Maher and This Week With George Stephanopoulos this weekend.

I had never really heard of Mary Matalin until someone sent me a super cut that Rich Juzwiak at Gawker did of her most fucked up moments from her Liza Minnelli-like appearance on Real Time with Bill Maher on Friday night. I guess Mary had a face lift at one time or another, which is why she looks like an embalmed Thunderbird puppet melting under a heat lamp, but her face wasn’t the weirdest part of her appearance. Bill thanked Mary for “bravely” bringing herself on his show after she just had a fall. Some think that maybe Mary had a stroke, but to me it looked like she was dancing on the clouds after swallowing some of that good shit and by that good shit I mean pills.

On every bottle of Vicodin, the warning label says: “May cause you to say fucked up shit like ‘Tucker Carlson is a chick magnet.’” And that’s exactly what Mary said. She called Tucker Carlson a chick magnet, called her own husband James Carville a “stud muffin” and then turned into Snow White on ludes when she said that she more than loves animals and they more than love her:

“I don’t love animals. I am aaaaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaah… They come to me. Birds land on my shoulders. Rats come to me. Cats come to me. I am exactly like Papa Francis.”

The super cut of Mary’s performance, which was co-produced by Vicodin and Merlot, is over at Gawker. And then yesterday, a more sobered up (not really) Mary was on George Stephnonopolpoloos talking about Russia’s gay hate laws and she said that all of her “gay friends” think that Putin looks so buff in his shirtless pictures.

Before you ask, “What the hell kind of gay dude would be friends with her?” Gays just love Mary. They come to her. They land on her shoulders. They feed her tiny little magical pills that make her feel aaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaaah.

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