If your ears can take the sound of Elle Fanning’s butchered-slaughtered-disemboweled-and-drowned-in-water British accent, then watch the newest trailer for the St. Angie Jolie biopic called Maleficent. Part of my already charred soul shriveled up a little while watching this, because it looks like a shitty, mid-budget trailer for a failed ABC pilot called Once Upon A Time In St. Angie’s Cheekbones. The other part of my already charred soul shriveled all the way up while watching this, because I don’t want to see the softer side of Maleficent. Fuck that all the way. I like my Maleficent straight up cunty with zero drops of niceness. I should’ve known this trailer wasn’t going to sit on my soul right when St. Angie popped up wearing Lady CaCa’s leftover face horns from the Born This Way “era.”
And here’s Brad Pitt working Maddox’s old haircut and wearing a vintage Oak Tree black linen suit while strolling through LAX.
lady caca born this way