Shia LaDouche Is Really Sorry For Being A Drunken Shit Head

After Shia LaDouche showed a dude in a South London pub how funky strong is his fight, he threw a bucket of ice on his throbbing, crusted-over b-hole of rage and poured out the kind of “woe is me” monologue a 15-year-old would pour out after drinking half of a beer for the first time. That’s the worst. It’s a buzz killer when you’re trying to enjoy a damn beer and some chewed-off scab starts going through their shit right in front of you. And LaDouche is going through it. Well, somebody recorded Shia’s drunken apology and gave it to TMZ, of course. It goes on and on and on. Shia spits out about how he just wants peace and he’s more normal than normal. I kept waiting for LaDouche to get up, stumble over to a baby grand piano in the corner and lie against it before slurring out his version of “Nobody Knows The Trouble I’ve Seen.”

And for the first time in the history of EVERYTHING, Lindsay Lohan finally has a reason to sue. Bitch can sue Shia LaDouche for copying her entire life.