Laura Linney Was Pregnant And Nobody Knew

Well, Laura Linney and her husband obviously knew she was pregnant……unless it was one of those “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” situations and she pissed out the baby in the toilet.

Here’s Laura Linney dressed like a pilgrim schoolgirl back in June and this was one of the last times she was photographed at an event. Laura kept away from events after that because she had a fetus friend growing in her womb. Laura’s rep tells People that she birthed out her first kid on Wednesday. Laura and her husband of 4 years Marc Schauer looked at their newborn son and asked, “What is a name that just screams ‘pretentious rich white boy who wears ascots and wipes his ass with money?‘” Since Scott Disick was already taken they named him Bennett Armistead Schauer.

Laura Linney is 49 years old, so I can already hear the hos calling her a selfish old twat for giving birth to a baby whose high school graduation she’ll attend in a Hoveround. But who cares. She’s Laura Linney! She’s the highly-esteemed thespian who could win an Emmy just for saying her full name in the most pretentious way possible. She can do no wrong!

And I hope that when they pulled her baby out of her body, she held him and said, “I’m Laura Linney.”