The 2014 Razzie Award Nominations Are Here!

January 15, 2014 / Posted by:

Today is just like Christmas morning for me. Did the Razzie committee bring me everything I wanted? Let’s see! Oh my god, a Worst Supporting Actress nomination for Kim Kardashian in Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor? No way! What a great way to follow-up the Worst Supporting Human award she’s nominated for every day. Wait, whats this? Did I get two Lindsay Lohan nominations? Hashtag: blessed! And is this…8 nominations for that pile of shit Grown Ups 2! Uh oh, I feel light headed; I must be getting high from the overwhelming smell of garbage that’s filled my living room. God bless you, Razzie committee!

But the Razzie nominations left something behind; where’s the Worst Supporting Actress nomination for Cameron Diaz in The Counselor? When I was a kid, it used to be that weaving in and out of a vague accent, dressing in head to toe Body Central, and dry humping a car was a guaranteed Razzie nomination, but I guess times have changed. Don’t worry Cammy; I’m sure you’ll get a nomination next year for Annie.

The entire list of nominees is after the jump!

Worst Picture
After Earth
Grown Ups 2
The Lone Ranger
A Madea Christmas
Movie 43

Worst Actor
Adam Sandler: Grown Ups 2
Adam Sandler: Grown Ups 2
Adam Sandler: Grown Ups 2
Adam Sandler: Grown Ups 2
Adam Sandler: Grown Ups 2

Worst Actress
Halle Berry: The Call / Movie 43
Selena Gomez: Getaway
Lindsay Lohan: The Canyons
Tyler Perry (as Madea): A Madea Christmas
Naomi Watts: Diana / Movie 43

Worst Supporting Actress
Salma Hayek: Grown Ups 2
Katherine Heigl: The Big Wedding
Kim Kardashian: Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor
Lady Gaga: Machete Kills
Lindsay Lohan: InAPPropriate Comedy / Scary Movie 5

Worst Supporting Actor
Chris Brown: Battle of the Year
Larry the Cable Guy: A Madea Christmas
Taylor Lautner: Grown Ups 2
Will Smith: After Earth
Nick Swardson: Grown Ups 2 / A Haunted House

Worst Director
Dennis Dugan: Grown Ups 2
Tyler Perry: A Madea Christmas / Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor
M. Night Shyamalan: After Earth
The 13 people (Elizabeth Banks, Steven Brill, Steve Carr, Rusty Cundieff, James Duffy, Griffin Dunne, Peter Farrelly, Patrik Forsberg, Will Graham, James Gunn, Bob Odenkirk, Brett Ratner, Jonathan van Tulleken) who directed Movie 43
Gore Verbinski: The Lone Ranger

Worst Screen Couple
The entire cast of Grown Ups 2
The entire cast of Movie 43
Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen: Scary Movie 5
Tyler Perry and either Larry the Cable Guy or that worn out wig and dress: A Madea Christmas
Jaden Smith and Will Smith on planet nepotism: After Earth

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel
Grown Ups 2
The Hangover Part III
The Lone Ranger (remake of past Lone Rangers and rip-off of Wild Wild West)
Scary Movie 5
The Smurfs 2

Worst Screenplay
After Earth
Grown Ups 2
The Lone Ranger
A Madea Christmas
Movie 43

Obviously, my money is riding on Adam Sandler and Grown Ups 2. I didn’t see Grown Ups 2, but I heard it made Jack and Jill look like All About Eve, so it’s safe to say that if you’re putting money on the Razzies, you have even-odds that this goddamned disaster will sweep every category its nominated it.

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