I haven’t thought about the song No Pigeons in a million years and I hate Vogue for making me think about it again.
This mess of a picture of Lena Dunham wearing a pigeon fastener and a dress thing made of old weaves, black socks and mutilated ostriches is my favorite picture from her Vogue spread, because it’s one hundred percent stupid and sums up Anna Wintour’s feelings about all of this. After Anna’s slaves told her that they could not use the Photoshop lipo tool to hack off most of Lena’s body and make her a size zero, Anna rolled her eyes and stopped nibbling on an underage model bone to say, “Oh for fuck’s sake, put a bird on it then!”
It’s that time again for Vogue’s annual affirmative action issue when they put a trick on the cover who doesn’t weigh more than an ant’s dry queef and who is so skinny that they regularly ask salespeople, “Do you have anything smaller than a zero?” Little Critter’s long-lost human sister got the cover and her spread was shot by Annie Leibovitz and stars a Photoshopped pigeon, a topless Adam (but is there any other kind of Adam?) and an adorable dog friend. Vogue wore out all their copies of Photoshop on this mess. I don’t even think Lena posed for some of these pictures. It looks like they cut her head out of a picture and cut somebody’s body out of another picture and sloppily slapped them all on some random background. Since shitty Photoshopper Kim Kardashian would do the impossible (read: suck a white dick) to get on the cover of Vogue, Anna should’ve used that to get her to Photoshop these pictures, because even that dumb fuck would’ve done a better job.
And if you want to read Lena’s interview, click here, but you’ll probably shut down your computer, tell your boss you’re going home sick and head to the nearest bar after you read the words, “Lena Dunham: The New Queen of Comedy.”