Leonardo DiCaprio Claims He’s Never Done Coke

January 14, 2014 / Posted by:

While watching The Wolf of Wall Street, if you did a line of coke whenever one of the characters did a line, you’d be filled with so much coke that a Lohan would sniff you out from hundreds of miles away, attack you, crack open one of your veins and snort the high out of you. The coke was played by Vitamin B in that shit and they snorted a lot of it. But apparently, Charlie Sheen’s favorite breakfast dish has never been up Leonardo DiCaprio’s nose. Page Six says that some “excitable” fan came up to Leo at BAFTA LA’s Golden Globes pre-party on Saturday night and joked that snorting all that fake coke must’ve made him break up with coke forever. Leo dropped enough eye rolling fuel to keep your eyes rolling for a long ass time.

Excitable female fan: “I bet playing that role put you off cocaine forever!”

Leo: “I’ve never done it in real life.”

Leonardo DiCaprio lives in an unreal fantasy world where he can order a new Victoria’s Secret model just by making a phone call and coke water spills out of the diamond-encrusted platinum faucet in his bathroom, so yeah, he was kind of telling the truth since bitch doesn’t live a real life.

I once went to a party that a friend threw and ho was obviously coked up. Her eyes were jittery, her breath smelled like blended dead bodies and she was dancing to an Usher song (that’s the giveaway right there). I asked her, “Are you coked up?” She goes, “No! Why would you ask that?” Bitch was lying! Coke is lie powder!  Leo was probably coked all the way up and by ,“I’ve never done it in real life,” he meant, “I just did some off of a model’s asshole in the men’s bathroom.

And if you haven’t seen that Wolf of Wall Street shit, I recommend seeing it in a theater full of oldies in Palm Springs. That’s where I saw it. The pacemakers were going off and old hos were having heart attacks every time a shaved crotch or a bare nipple popped up on the screen. The best part of my 18-hour experience was when Leo snorted coke out of a hooker’s ass and the old dude next to me says to his wife, “Oh heaven’s! Really? Really? You wanted to see this?” I’d like to think that movie brought them closer together. Afterward, they got into their white Deville, bought some coke from a street dealer and then the old dude cut it with a little crushed Centrium Silver before snorting it out of his wife’s ass. That reignited their love again. Snorting coke out of your spouse’s ass is so much better than renewing your vows.

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