It’s Hard Out There For A Serial Egger: The Cops Are Raiding Justin Bieber’s House (UPDATE)
In a bathroom at Justin Bieber’s house in Calabasas, CA early this morning, one member of the Wild Boyz nervously flushed dozens and dozens of eggs down the toilet while another member shoved whole huevos up Justin Bieber’s ass while screaming, “Spread ’em wider! Spread ’em wider! Like Usher taught you!” As the cops knocked on the front door, the leader of the Wild Boyz and his crew tried to get rid of all the evidence (eggidence?) of their egg attack on a neighbor’s house. HIDE ALL THE HUEVOS!
TMZ says that cops showed up to Justin Bieber’s house this morning with a felony search warrant in hand and started looking for any evidence they can use to connect him to the egging of his next door neighbor’s house. The cops are making The Biebs wait in his garage while they search his house, so push that cup of lukewarm caffeine aside and get high on the image of him in his drop-crotch footie pajamas pouting in the corner as the cops look for surveillance footage of the run-by egging and any eggs whose shells match the shells found at the scene of the crime. That last sentence sounds like the most riveting scene in Nick Jr.’s newest show CSI: Playground Jungle Gym.
You know this shit is serious, because there’s a battering ram at the scene. Or maybe TMZ got their info wrong and that battering ram is really a butt dildo that Kim Kardashian ordered and it’s slowly making its way to Pimp Mama Kris‘ house.
TMZ says that if the cops find anything illegal, including the bad shit, they could use it against The Biebs. Well, that twat zit is screwed, because they’ll charge him with committing assault on eyeballs when they find hundreds of pairs of diaper pants and they’ll charge him with committing assault on ears when they find his un-auto-tuned demo tracks.
We can all laugh at Justin Beiber facing prison time for egging, but this is just the street cred he needs to finally be taken seriously as the hardest hood rat thug in the game. All the murderers and gang members of the cell block will bow down to Justin Bieber when they find out he’s in there for assaulting his neighbor’s house with eggs. The Eggfather IS about that life.
UPDATE: The cops say that they gathered a bunch of evidence and they’re going to look at it before they decide what to do next. Justin Bieber’s moocher Lil Za was caught with coke at the scene. He was arrested for felony drug possession and he was also arrested for giving himself the nickname Lil Za.
(Pic via Instagram)