A complete and utter travesty happened last night and I’m surprised you’re not reading this while suffocating under a pile of ash from the planet burning down over this messed up shit. Jennifer Lawrence won over Lupita Nyong’o. Jennifer Lawrence talks about butt plugs, so I kind of like her, but her winning the Best Supporting Actress Golden Globe over Lupita is like Spam winning the Best Meat of the Year Award over filet mignon. I saw American Hustle on Saturday night and I’m probably in the minority, but I thought that shit was boring. If it wasn’t for the hot costumes, hot hair and hot music, I would’ve taken a nap on the puddle of popcorn oil beneath me. Jennifer Lawrence basically did an impersonation of Renee Zellweger in Chicago. Jennifer’ s freshly fucked 1970s prom queen hair was hot and it deserves its own award, but she shouldn’t have won last night. Lupita should file a police report, because ho was blatantly ROBBED. Whatever, though, Lupita was the true winner of the night, because she looked like an alien child from Planet Grace Jones and she showed that drop of tap water Goopy Paltrow how the cape look is really done.
I shouldn’t be mad, because Lupita is totally going to win the Oscar (probably not since Hollywood currently has its mouth around Jennifer Lawrence’s clit).