…Because it’s the only way to keep Robin Thicke interested.
Paula Patton, or as groupies and Vegas cocktail waitresses know her – “Robin’s Bottom Bitch”, arrived at the Golden Globes last night looking like an older woman was about to take her aside and discuss that not-so-fresh feeling (which is ironic, seeing as she has the world’s biggest douche at home). Dressing up like a pussy is some Elmer Fudd shit: Paula probably put it on thinking “I’ll catch that wascally Wobin”, then Robin pops up from the ground all nonchalant with two strippers, munching on a carrot (and by ‘carrot’ I mean ‘carrot’, you perverts) saying “Nice try, Doc” before descending back down the hole (and this time,’hole’ means…you get where I’m going here).
The dress itself isn’t so bad, it’s just that damn chiffon pussy (Chiffon Pussy – New Jersey’s Classiest Bridal-Themed Gentleman’s Club) hanging off the left side; it makes it look like a challenge from a lost X-rated episode of Project Runway. “Contestants, this week you will be required to create a dress for Paula Patton. Your challenge: to take one of the bedsheets from Robin’s tour bus, shake out all the random pubes and blonde hair extensions, and create a dress that makes Paula look like a messy loose pussy. Bonus points if you’re able to treat the full-body rash she’ll surely receive from wearing one of her husband’s used bedsheets.”