You know your level of bullshit is in a league of it’s own when you can easily be crowned the most annoying motherfucker in a room whose occupants include Jonah Hill and Bono.
P. Diddy must have been painfully aware that the expiration date stamped on his ass cheek is from years ago because he spent his time on stage at the Golden Globes milking his moment in the spotlight for all it was worth. I like to think I have a high patience level (I’ve been trying to write this while my five year old lists every dinosaur he knows and he started just making shit up thirty names ago) but I had some serious rage last night watching Diddy. He wouldn’t shut the hell up, move to the side or let
Usher Kate Beckinsale be the prettiest princess. She may have looked like she used Pam cooking spray as moisturizer, but I’d rather look at a shiny Kate any day of the week (and maybe let some lesbian daydreams sneak in there) than spend any amount of time looking at Diddy’s DUH face.
I may or may not have been yelling “get off my TV, you fuck socket!!” at the screen when one the most glorious moments of the night happened. When Diddy went to hug Bono (and maybe throw a smooch down on his face or some shit; it was hard to tell because the whole thing was a clusterfuck), Bono straight up swerved his ass.
All those rumors of Diddy’s breath smelling like a mix of matted hobo pubes and Kristen Stewart’s unwashed gash might have something to them. The only thing Bono has ducked faster than Diddy’s advances is paying taxes!