Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 12, 2014 / Posted by:

Champale, the bastard love child of champagne and beer. Champale is a bottle of sparkling luxury for disciples of opulence who have champagne tastes on a beer budget and don’t mind waking up with a hangover that’ll make the devil lose his mind.

The Golden Globes are on tonight, so it’s the perfect night to slip on your fanciest pair of sweats (read: cleanest) and treat yourself to some real luxury by pouring a can or a bottle of Champale into a plastic champagne glass you bought at The Dollar Tree. In her post about Applebee’s New Year’s Eve of refined luxury, Allison just had to name drop CHAMPALE and it was the first time in a long time that I thought about Andre’s third cousin twice removed at a gas station booze refrigerator. Champale is an elegant, sparkling malt liquor that was first served up on a silver platter to the world in the late 1930s, but it got kind of popular in the 70s and 80s. That ad says that it tastes like a light bubbly wine. Saying that Champale tastes like a light bubbly wine is like saying that warm piss from a bitch who has only eaten asparagus their entire lives tastes like freshly squeezed lemonade sweetened with pure sugar cane. It tastes like dirty pennies that have been marinating in extra sweet grape juice for years, but when the bubbles hit you, you suddenly feel like Alexis Carrington. I mean, if it’s good enough for Ashford & Simpson…

So tonight, make it a Champale night (even if it’ll make tomorrow morning, a Tylenol and menudo kind of morning). And I love how that ad says, “with someone you LIKE,” because if you LOVED them, you wouldn’t give them that shit.

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