Charlize Theron should go ahead and get a bumper sticker for her car that reads: “Pussy So Good It Makes The NRA Shake In Fear!” Because at Sean Penn’s annual benefit for Haiti last night in L.A., he told everyone that a certain South African woman convinced him to send all of his guns packing. Sean was obviously talking about his current piece (UGH!!!!) Charlize Theron. In 1991, Charlize’s mother shot her father dead after he came home drunk, shot a bullet into her bedroom and threatened to kill them both. The police declared it was self-defense and Charlize’s mom never faced any charges. So Charlize hates guns as much as Sean Penn hates shampoo. E! News says that during the auction part of the night, Sean said that he asked artist Jeff Koons to make a special piece using all of his guns.
“Being provoked by this aforementioned strong woman and considering how liberating of bullshit and ugliness it would be not only get rid of the guns I have in the continental United States but also to destroy them, Jeff Koons and I had a chat the other day.”
The Silver Fox won the Koons piece (which will probably be called The Power of Charlize’s PUSSAY) with a $1.4 million bid.
So since Charlize convinced him to get rid of guns, she should also convince him to get rid of his shitty personality, all of his baseball bats, his sun dried tomato skin, his asshole temper and she should also convince him to take a dip in a Hazmat bath every now and again, because he looks like a piece of matted dog hair dipped in ass smegma.
But seriously, what I really want to know is who is going to convince Charlize Theron to get rid of Sean Penn?