The Time Evander Holyfield Punched A Pregnant Horse In The Jaw

January 11, 2014 / Posted by:

An ocean of stupid poured of Evander Holyfield’s mouth last weekend when he, a dude who regularly pounded other dudes for a gold belt and a purse, said that being gay is a choice and can be cured. Well, more dumb shit came out of Evander’s mouth last night. Before Evander Holyfield became the first trick evicted from the Celebrity Big Brother house in Britain, he told a charming story (read: not at all charming story) about how he once fisted a knocked up horse in the jaw. The horseophobic mess told his fellow housemates Liz Jones and Luisa Zissman that he once fell off of a horse and he took it out on the horse by punching her. I guess his brain really was located in his right ear.

Evander: I was so mad, cause I didn’t know my horse was pregnant and the horse feet barely missed me when I fell. I was so mad at the horse, cause I fell. I hit him right in the jaw.

Luisa: That’s awful. I hate people that do that.

Liz: You punched a horse?!

Evander: Yeah, I punched it.

Liz: But you’re a heathen. You’re a heathen.

Evander: I know I was embarrassed by it, but-

Luisa: I think that’s disgusting.

“You punched my pregnant horse” is the new you kicked my dog” and I don’t like it.

The fuck is wrong with Evander Holyfield? I know, asking “the fuck is wrong with Evander Whoryfield?” is like asking “the fuck is wrong with Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, Kanye West, etc…..?” The answer is a long list and we all know what’s on that list. But Evander is a wreck for thinking it’s okay to punch a pregnant horse and for thinking it’s okay to say that you punched a pregnant horse on live TV. If he punched a pigeon, Mike Tyson would’ve stopped cuddling with his favorite pigeon friend to bite that bitch’s tongue out.

But I’m sure there’s more to the story. I’m sure there’s another reason for why Evander punched that pregnant horse. That pregnant horse probably complained about being cold and wasn’t putting God first in her life.

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