“And If You’re Still Hungry After The Celery Juice, You May Smell 2 Pictures In A Cookbook”

January 11, 2014 / Posted by:

When Nicole Richie appeared at the American Music Awards in November (seen above) I don’t think many of us went “Harpo, who dis skeleton from my high school science class?” but apparently Star Magazine did. They seem to think she’s getting skinny enough for a reunion with Saggy the Blue Bikini, as well as theories on how she’s dropping the weight.

WARNING: IF YOU LOVE CHEESEBURGERS AS IF THEY WERE YOUR OWN CHILDREN, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER.

According to Star (via Daily Mail) Nicole has been on a diet that would make even a food-crazy like Gwyneth Paltrow think it’s a bit restrictive (“I enjoy the smell of my farts too much to give up solid foods” - Goopy):

The reality star turned designer has dropped down to 88 pounds, according to Star magazine, which was her weight in 2006 when she memorably showed off a bony frame as she jogged on a beach in a bikini. She has reportedly been living on a diet of sunflower seeds, celery and juices. The LA native also allegedly uses chewing gum to stave off hunger pains.

A source close to Nicole (the skirt from this picture come to life during a Beauty and the Beast-style spell/curse) says she’s totally healthy, not anorexic, and the reports of her binging hard on Ants on a Log – sans ants, sans delicious peanut butter or C-Whiz – are false, so who even knows. Until we get pictures of Nicole at the grocery store with a cart full of water, boxed air, and Model’s Choice Laxatives (“The classy laxative”), I don’t think we should be too concerned.

And I get wanting to lose weight, but you gotta do that shit the healthy way. Sunflower seeds aren’t dinner; they’re a snack meant for baseball games and road trips. And Celery is a gross 3rd tier garnish for a Bloody Mary or Caesar (right under olive and shrimp) or, if you’re desperate, something you use as a makeshift lightsaber when you’re unable to find an old wrapping paper tube or pool noodle.

Here’s Nicole at the American Music Awards. I don’t know about an eating disorder, but by the cut of that dress I can definitely diagnose her as having Miley Cyrus Syndrome.

(Pics via Wenn)

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >