Lindsay Lohan BRAVELY went out in London late last night after her laptop, with pictures of her bare naked dehydrated papaya slice body on it, was mysteriously snatched in an airport in Shanghai. I don’t really know what the big deal is, because doesn’t everyone’s laptop have pictures of LiLo’s naked body on it? You never know when you’re going to suddenly suffer from over-wet pussy or a perpetual boner and need something to immediately dry up your chocha or soften your peen. Anyway, after living through that traumatic ordeal, which she obviously staged herself, bitch flew to London to party.
LiLo left a club with a new barely legal victim at 3:30 this morning and she looked as fresh as a dried period stain on a pair of crusty, old panties lying next to a dumpster in an alley way in the middle of August. But LiLo’s camp (aka White Oprah using the pay phone at TGIFriday’s because she traded her cell phone in for a fireball shot) tells Radar that she wasn’t drunk, she just had the tireds.
“She was just very tired … she wasn’t drinking,” Lohan’s camp said, adding that the 27-year-old had just “come off a long flight from Shanghai” and stopped off at the nightspot for “a late dinner.”
You know how your abuelita told you that if you roll your eyes, they’ll stay that way and then you said, “GOOD,” before running out of the house as she chased you while waving a tree branch in her hand? That’s what happened to LiLo. Bitch has had drunkface so many times that her face just looks like that now. Most of the time, she’s always making the face you make when you’re tanked in a dark bar and they turn on the fluorescent lights at closing time.
And what is with these hot twinks she always picks up? Those twinks need to get some self-respect. If they need an 8-ball that bad, they should suck an old man’s dick for it the way the rest of us did. Have some dignity!