Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 10, 2014 / Posted by:

Lord KraVen!

Whenever a character in a TV show or movie or book or video game or whatever says, “Take me to your leader,” this is the leader they want to be taken to. This is regalness! This is royalty! This is Lord KraVen, the biological son of Ming the Merciless who was sent to Earth from his home planet Mongo on a black diamond asteroid to bring humanity to its knees with his glamour and simmering sexiness. Yes, I’m typing this while kneeling on the ground at that picture, so his plan is clearly working.

I was introduced to this glittering, black Glamberace God yesterday when I read a post on Radar about how Jennifer Hudson had him kicked out of the People’s Choice Awards. On the planet Mongo, Lord KraVen is the one who does the banishing, not the other way around! JHud and Lord KraVen were friends until she excommunicated him from her life, because she feels like he did her wrong by using her family tragedy to whore out his music. During the trial of the murder of her family members in 2012, Lord KraVen went on HLN to talk about her grief while promoting his single. JHud immediately declared war on Dave Navvaro’s style icon. So when she saw him at the People’s Choice Awards on Wednesday night, she told organizers that if they wanted her to stay, he had to leave. An act against glamour happened when security guards escorted Lord KraVen out of the Nokia Theater.

Who knows what’s really going on between Lord KraVen (not to be confused with Lori Craven whose name I keep typing) and JHud, but it’s pretty obvious that he was also kicked out of the People’s Choice Awards because his Lip Service-like aura kept shattering the glass trophies.

If you want to know what Lord KraVen’s music sounds like, you can click play on the video below or you can believe me when I say that it’s like Daughtry on helium.

In related news, the city of Paris announced that they are demolishing the Arc de Triomphe. It had a good run, but Paris knew it could never compete with the truly spectacular arcs of hair above Lord KraVen’s eyes. Bow down.

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