A flood of hot, wet, sticky DUHs hit my face today when I read the apology that Dennis Rodman shat out for freaking out on Chris Cuomo during an interview with CNN on Tuesday. The future Mrs. Kim Jong Un exploded into a tornado of douche water and incoherentness when Chris Cuomo asked him if he was going to bring up Kenneth Bae with his North Korean BFF. In a statement released through his publicist (who obviously wrote it for him), Dennis apologizes to Kenneth Bae’s family and says that he was drunk and dealing with a shit load of stress. Another proud graduate of Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab….
“I want to first apologize to Kenneth Bae’s family. I want to apologize to my teammates and my management team. I also want to apologize to Chris Cuomo. I embarrassed a lot of people. I’m very sorry. At this point I should know better than to make political statements. I’m truly sorry. Some of my teammates were leaving because of pressure from their families and business associates. [My dream of] basketball diplomacy was quickly falling apart. I had been drinking. It’s not an excuse but by the time the interview happened I was upset. I was overwhelmed.”
Is Dennis Rodman still in North Korea? If he is, then things are going to be awkward between him and his best bitch Kim Jong Un during their final candlelit, champagne dinner together. Kim Jong Un isn’t going to be happy that his homegirl is apologizing to the family of one of his prisoners. It’ll be like that episode of The Bachelor when one of the Bachelor’s final hos nervously waits to see if he’s going to invite her to the Fantasy Suite or not. Except, Dennis is going to nervously sit there waiting to see if Kim Jong Un is going to send him to a prison camp or not. No. Never. They’re going to cuddle and watch Safe Haven instead.
(Pic via AP)