I thought the picture of the viking vampire demi-god dropping iced butt cubes into a toilet in the South Pole would be the most entertaining picture I posted today, but then this mess came along. This messy picture has everything you want in a messy picture: Michelle Rodriguez slobbering over that vaporizer like it’s a hard black dick and she’s a Kardashian, Cara Delevingne getting stoned courtside (you know there’s a lot of the good shit in there), pro boxer Miguel Cotto throwing a look that says, “I know, son, I know, but stay still and don’t disrupt the Michelle Rodriguez when you see one in the wild,” and that gold medal-winning side-eye from a child. I also love how that red photographer looks like he’s wondering what he should take a picture of when there’s a drunk, stoned, messy lesbian show happening behind him.
Screw the Knicks game! The real entertainment happened courtside in Madison Square Garden last night. The Dominican Puerto Rican train wreck got Doogie Howser drunk and probably got stoned on that good shit before giving the children a show! MRod busted out several plastered faces, licked on the smoke rings that Cara blew out, made out with Cara and in between all of that took a little nap. If this was a game of charades, I’d scream out, “Lindsay Lohan and White Oprah doing a little mother/daughter bonding!”
It was the true definition of mess. I’m surprised the players didn’t stop playing and stand in front of MRod with their hands on their hips while they waited for her to finish. How could they ever compete with the shit show that MRod and Cara served up?
And after they left MSG, MRod kept the foolery going by karate kicking at the paps. Oh, MRod, keeping it sloppy, messy and rage-y as always. I bet you need PTSD counseling after she eats your puss out.
Pics: Getty, AP, Instagram