Everybody loses stuff at the airport. Keys. Newspapers. Bags. Small children. If you’re lucky, a TCA agent who sounds like they’re yelling into an industrial-strength fan around a mouthful of dicks will make a garbled announcement and you can shlep your ass back to security and quietly pick up your belongings (unless it’s a kid, they usually want to talk in depth about that). If you’re Lindsay Lohan, a lost laptop quickly escalates from “maybe I left it somewhere” to “someone stole it, I’ll give anything to get it back, oh my god there are nudes on it and creepy love letters to celebrities who won’t give me the time of day!“.
TMZ says Lindsay is desperately scrambling around, trying to reclaim her laptop that was supposedly stolen at an airport in Shanghai, China. The nude photos on it are supposedly from photo shoots that were not supposed to be released (yeah, right). Why would she be so freaked out over someone having photos of shit (NSFW) we’ve had the gross misfortune to have already seen?
The laptop also contains “private correspondence” between Lindsay and celebrities such as Lady Gaga and Woody Allen. I’m sure LiLo has a few (drug) contacts left in various industries, but I can’t be the only one who thinks any correspondence is likely to be completely one-sided. I’m imagining an email sent box filled with messages like the shit you find on Twitter and Instagram from teenagers to their idols.
“ZOMG Woody Allen. I’m ur biggest fan we r both misunderstood artists n it would mean sooooo much if u could give me a part in ur movies sometime!”