Shia LaDouche said a while ago that Lars Von Trier cast him in the 4-hour-long CGI HIGH ART porn Nymphomaniac after he sent the director sex tapes of him wet humping on his then-girlfriend Karolyn Pho. Lars Von Trier is weird and he’s into some jacked-up shit, so Shia’s sex tape was gross enough for Lars to cast him. If any of us watched Shia’s sex tape, we’d have to consider our laptop tainted by a demon and we’d have to rid it from the earth by breaking it into hundreds of pieces with a hammer before burning the pieces and tossing the ashes in rushing water. Well, I’d fap to it first and then I’d do all that other stuff. But Shia was probably lying, because now he’s saying something totally different (which he probably made up too).
Shia says in a promo interview (you can watch that shit below if you want) released by the production company that when his people told producers that he was interested in doing Nymphomaniac, the producers asked his people to send a dick pic. Shia immediately sent one over:
“The first info we got — and I’ll never forget this because my entire team reacted with such fear — the first request from the production end, not Lars, was for pictures of my penis. Lars goes, ‘Send him the letter. The letter was, ‘Are you game?’ I guess the first test was, ‘Let’s time how long it takes this motherfucker to send his dick over the Internet.’ It was like 20 minutes; they were like, ‘All right, kid’s ready.'”
Since Shia is Shia and plagiarizes everything, he probably copy + pasted an important peen in history and sent that to Lars. On the first day of shooting when Shia took off his robe and showed off the peen that looks like a newborn naked mole rat with pink eye (we’ve all seen -NSFW- it), Lars probably thought to himself, “His dick looked so, so, so much bigger when Pamela Anderson’s face was next to it.”