Open Post: Hosted By A Clump Of Bleached Blond Weave Stuck In A Glob Of Self-Tanner And Bronzer

January 7, 2014 / Posted by:

The polar vortex can try all it wants to freeze the blood and nerves in Jessica Simpson’s face as she strolls from the car to a building in NYC, but she’s cackling all the way, because she knows she’s got this. Here’s a tip from Jessica Simpson: If you don’t want the icy ass wind to touch your face, slather your mug with so many layers of self-tanner, bronzer, foundation, rouge, lipstick, lip gloss and blush that it’s physically impossible for the wind to penetrate through and touch your skin. Jessica isn’t only wearing a make-up mask to make her look like the least most popular cast member of The Real Housewives of Staten Island, she’s also wearing a make-up mask to protect her face from the elements. Oh wait, maybe that is an actual, rubber mask. Maybe she’s wearing one of those hot masking masks? Naw, those glamorous rubber doll masks look way more natural than Jessica Simpson’s face.

Here’s the professional weight-loser walking into a building in Manhattan, and talking about her weight while whoring out Weight Watchers on Good Morning America today.

Pics: Splash

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