Jake Gyllenhaal And That Sports Illustrated Model Broke Up

January 7, 2014 / Posted by:

It really is hard out there for a beard, because both Lainey Gossip and UsWeekly say that Jake Gyllenhaal and model Alyssa Miller (Side note: It feels totally unnatural and wrong typing the first name “Alyssa” and then not typing the letters M-I-L-A-N-O afterward) are done with each other after six months. UsWeekly’s source says distance was the reason why they broke up, which means that it became a serious problem when he kept wanting to keep his peen at a far distance from her cooch. NO! Alyssa is off doing modeling shit and Jake is off doing movie star shit. The source spit this out:

“They fizzled out. It happened a while ago — before the holidays. He’s back on the scene. Things were really good between Jake and Alyssa right up until he had to leave for L.A. to go shoot a movie [Nightcrawler] in the fall. Then the distance really got to them. [Jake] was very taken with [Alyssa], but I think their work definitely drew them apart. They were apart for the holidays, and things weren’t good with them even before that. She’s very much a long-term relationship girl. He’s not as much of that mindset.”

The real tragedy here is that Alyssa was with Jake during his “starving himself for that Oscar phase. So in the beard portfolio she gives to potential clients is nothing but pictures of her with Jake looking like a heroin-addicted drifter. How dreadful.

Here’s Jake looking lumberjack hot again in Toronto two days ago.

Pics: Splash

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