Noted anti-Bieber Taylor Swift immediately went on Amazon, ordered a dozen clues (and a few boxes of Penicillin) and sent them via Amazon Drone to Selena Gomez’s front doorstep after pictures of Selena and Justin Bieber Segway-ing down The Fuck Are You Doing Road were burped up the Internet yesterday. Well, Taylor Swift better send a dozen more clues to Selena’s doorstep, because early this morning Jelena (Side note: Typing the word “Jelena” causes your brain to immediately tell your body to begin dry heaving) pulled a move they pulled last year when they posted a pic on Instagram to let everyone know that they’re scissoring each other again. Justin spit up this little note with the pic:
Love the way you look at me
There’s so many terrifying and ridiculous things going on in that gross picture. Let’s go over just a few of them:
1. Justin Bieber looks like a 13-year-old ingenue in a direct-to-VOD horror movie who’s trying to look pretty, demure and scared while hiding from the killer in a closet.
2. Selena’s head looks like it was cut out from another picture and pasted onto this one.
3. The Biebs obviously typed that note while looking in a mirror.
4. That arm around his neck is not squeezing tight enough. SQUEEZE TIGHTER!
5. The most terrifying thing of all is that Selena is actually looking at that smegma-covered, travel-sized dildo with a look of love.
There was a blind item recently on Blind Gossip about some pop star type who canceled her tour because she’s addicted to the bad shit and it’s obviously about Selena Gomez. I didn’t totally believe it until now. It’s obvious that Selena is addicted to the worst kind of bad shit of all: Justin Bieber! Taylor, come get this girl and drag her ass to Promises.