We’re going to have to get in the way-back machine for this one, but remember a couple of years ago when Enrique Iglesias joked about having a small wiener, and not two seconds later pulled a “SIKE! Just kidding!!”? Cut to his dick at home screaming “OH HELL NAW” as it dumps all his clothes out onto the front lawn and blows up his phone with texts that say WHY R U LYING ABOUT ME!! and U ASHAMED? There’s nothing worse than a dramatic penis, am I right? Well, it appears that he and his dick have kissed and made-up, because Enrique tells Page Six he’s ready to come clean about his small peen:
Newly single after breaking up with his tennis-pro gal pal Anna Kournikova in September, Iglesias was asked how he spends his time off in Miami.
“I go skinny-dipping if there are no paparazzi around,” he revealed. When Cobo asked where he goes full-frontal, Iglesias replied: “I’m not going to tell you because it would ruin my career. There’s not a lot to show off.”
And when further asked what his “best trait and worst defect” are, the suddenly self-deprecating singer responded: “My worst defect is from my waist down. I’m sorry, no, that’s not my worst defect . . . but it is a little curved.”
A small, crooked dick? Better get out your list of potential fucks and cross Gillette and Tai off. Or better still, stop talking about how small your dick is! Nobody cares about how small, crooked, wrinkled, discolored, or hairy a peener is when it’s paying for nice dinners and vacations. So side-step all the judgemental size queens and get yourself a gold digger. A true gold digger believes it’s not the size of the ship or the motion of the ocean, but the stash of the cash.
And if that fails, then try the internet; if TLC’s Strange Sex has taught me anything, it’s that there is definitely a market for your weird mini-boomerang dick (and yes, I did do an image search for that; pray for me).
(Pic via Splash)