“Kids, Get In Here! Mommy Needs To Stage A Photo!”

January 2, 2014 / Posted by:

If that isn’t the face of a man defeated, I don’t know what is. Dean McDermott probably though his sloppy cheat-game would be his ticket to freedom, but he should know better. Tori Spelling won’t let go! She’s the kind of person who acts like it’s all a big misunderstanding (“He slipped on some ice and fell into her pussy!”) and puts on a happy face like nothing is wrong. Then, after everyone is asleep, she locks herself in her craft room to rage-sew a voodoo doll she calls ‘Homewrecking Hussy’, strangling it with scrap pieces of rickrack and glitter-gluing CLOSE YOUR LEGS TO MARRIED MEN, HO on its face. Look for all this and more in her upcoming book titled Crafts for the saniTORIum.

In the wake of Dean’s gloriously Zzzzzz-worthy Great White North cheating scandal, Tori took to her blog and posted the the second in her series of EVERYTHING’S FINE! homemade photo-ops along with the following note:

Happy New Year everyone! I can NOT believe it’s 2014. Time flies when you’re having fun… and when you have 4 little ones running around! We rang in the New Year with (kid-friendly) cocktails, lots of yummy treats and some quality family time.

Cheers to another year of crafting, cooking, party-planning, family memories, fashion statements, love fests, lots of cozy time, and of course… blogging!

What are you looking forward to in 2014?

Love,
T

That’s really sweet! I think Dean also wrote a note on his blog too:

Happy Tuesday everyone. Or is it Wednesday? I can’t tell; all the calendars in our home have been replaced with portraits of Tori. Had another great year – shout outs to Lisa, Shasta, Emily Handjob, and all the great gals of Hooters North. Don’t forget to watch me host Chopped Canada, because it’s literally the only update made to my resume in nearly 8 years.

Take it sleazy,
D

Dean’s MO is chasing an unending infinity loop of tail, and Tori’s response is closing her eyes and sticking her fingers in her ears and yelling LA-LA-LA I CAN’T SMELL THE STRANGE ON YOUR DICK, which means this will NEVER FUCKING END. Around March, another ho will come forward saying that Dean laid his “sexless marriage” game on her, and it will be T-minus 10 seconds before Tori puts those kids to work on enough Leprechaun garland to cover Dean’s crotch.

(Pic via ToriSpelling.com)

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