Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 2, 2014 / Posted by:

Stephanie Edwards, the Queen of the Tournament of Roses Parade (and the face of Lucky grocery stores to us California whores)!

It’s been approximately a million years since I’ve watched the Rose Parade on New Year’s Day, but yesterday while I was sipping flat champagne to get over my champagne, beer and bad decisions hangover, I watched all those marching bands and weird floats work the streets of Pasadena. And there was Stephanie Edwards and Bob Eubanks still hosting the Rose Parade on KTLA after all these centuries. Stephanie was a morning show host in the 70s before she and Bob Eubanks became the co-hosts and unofficial faces of the Rose Parade in 1978. The roses and flowers would wilt if they weren’t hit with the bright rays that beam off of Stephanie’s ginger halo and the streams of heat that waft off of Bob Eubanks’ piping hot, leathery skin.

I must’ve mentally blocked out this dark time in Rose Parade history, but Wiki tells me that Stephanie co-hosted the parade until 2005 when she was demoted to street duty and replaced with Michaela Pereira. It was a ROSE PARADE SCANDAL! Devotees of the Rose Parade rioted the streets, punched every rose bush they came across and called for the heads of the evil bitches who put Stephanie on street duty. Order was restored in 2009 when Stephanie went back to co-hosting the Rose Parade with Bob Eubanks. Besides the gay wedding that went down on a float during the parade yesterday, the Rose Parade is a dated relic that’s frozen in time and the only way it can stay that way is if Stephanie Edwards and Bob Eubanks continue to co-host it together until the end of time!

And I’m ashamed to admit this, but when I was a kid I thought Stephanie Edwards and Vicki Lawrence were the same person. I told my mom once that the lady from Mama’s Family was talking on the Rose Parade. It was the only time in history when my mom thought there was a slight chance that I might be straight.

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