Miami Heat basketball player Dwyane Wade confirmed Monday during a press conference (via USWeekly) that his fuckparts touched the fuckparts of a woman who is NOT fiancée Gabrielle Union during a break in their relationship and result was a third baby for Dwyane. He has two other children with ex-wife Siohvaughn Funches (thanks for the myriad of suggestions for that one, autocorrect) and despite the sordid circumstances surrounding the new addition, Dwyane called it a blessing.
“I had a time, a part in our break, in our pain and our hurt, a blessing came out of it in my life, having a son that was born healthy,” Wade said during a press conference Monday evening, as reported by the Sun Sentinel. “So I’m moving on.”
“I was dealing with my injuries, trying to win a championship, so we kinda took a step back,” the NBA superstar told Jay Leno back in September during an appearance on The Tonight Show.
On Monday evening, Wade added, “But, like I said, this is something, obviously, private for my family that we will continue to deal with as a family. But we have a blessing to the bloodline, to the Wade bloodline.“
All I can hear in my head is Ross Gellar yelling, “WE WERE ON A BREAK!” It looks like that dick wasn’t on a break, though. I know when I’m injured (recovering from forgetting the baby gate is up and trying to bust through it like the Kool-Aid man) and trying to win a championship (attempting to beat my seven year old at Mario Kart), my first priority is to find someone to hump on. Getting your fuck on cures all that ails until it comes back to bite you in the ass in the form of child support payments and a fiancée who is going to slap a LoJack on your junk so you can’t park it in anybody else’s garage.
Entertainment Tonight, which first reported the story, says Dwyane has known the woman for years and that Gabrielle was aware of the pregnancy. A surprise baby and that ring was only 8.5 carats? There seems to be some room for improvement with the gold digging here.