Carly Rae Jepsen (Remember Her Ass?) Is Going To Play Cinderella….. On Broadway

December 30, 2013 / Posted by:

And I mean Broadway BROADWAY. I don’t mean a community theater on E. Broadway in Long Beach, CA. I mean the Broadway where thousands of singing actors work for years upon years upon years to get on. That fucking Broadway.

Playbill says that the producers of Cinderella announced yesterday that Justin Bieber’s protégée Carly Rae Jepsen (the Forever 21-wearing, pink iPhone-carrying, Taylor Swift perfume-smelling 14-year-old girl trapped in the body of a 28-year-old Canadian woman) will play the title role in Cinderella on Broadway for 12 weeks beginning February 4, 2014. In my own little corner, in my own little room, I am laughing at this ridiculous stunt casting.

Laura Osnes (aka “Small Town Sandy” to the two of us who watched Grease: You’re The One That I Want) will finish her year-long run as Cinderella in January. The shit news is that Carly Rae Jepsen is the new Cinderella. The good news is that Fran Drescher will take over the role of the evil stepmother on the same day.

Wiki says that Carly Rae Jepsen went to a performing arts college in Victoria, BC and has done theater before, but that doesn’t make this news any less weird. I really hope that the producers tweak this production for Carly Rape (typo and it stays). And what I mean by that is when she meets the prince, I really hope she sings, “Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my slipper, find me maybe.”

And if Carly Rae sells tickets, then I’m sure that sometime in the near future we’ll soon see the words: REBECCA BLACK and ALISON GOLD in Wicked on Broadway! Or Justin Bieber as the title role in a revival of Victor/Victoria! Or La Vampy as Sally Bowles in Cabaret! (If God really exists and wants to fill the world with more glamour, he or she will make that last one happen.)

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